Reflecting on Marriage

Audio By Carbonatix

Jane and I were reflecting on our marriage recently. We’ve been married for over 40 years, and I brought the conversation back to our wedding day. We spent some time talking about the day and our families, and then we talked a little bit about our expectations that day about what the future would look like. We both had lots of thoughts about what being married would be like. We each thought we were marrying somebody who would always understand us, who would always want to be near us, and who would always want to hold our hand. There was more to it than that, but those are some of the most basic aspects of the things we covered. 

Obviously, over the course of the 40-plus years that we’ve actually been married, it hasn’t gone like that. Over the past four decades, there have been some moments where we didn’t want to be in the same room as one another. In those moments, we definitely weren’t thinking about touching or understanding each other! Anybody who has been married for a few weeks could probably relate to that experience. 

But what makes marriage last is a deep commitment to one another. I understand that Jane and I will have moments of conflict, misunderstanding, hurt, and frustration. When you stop and think about it, it’s impossible to avoid those things when you take two individual people and try to make all of your marriage, parenting, career, financial, and travel decisions together. Sometimes it can be hard to get a group of people to agree on where to meet up for dinner, so it’s obviously going to be complicated to take two people and have them figure out how to meld their whole lives together! 

Remembering that can be really helpful. Because, then the moments of conflict, misunderstanding, hurt, and frustration don’t seem to blindside us quite as much. They’ll still catch us off guard, for sure. But if we remember that we’re two different people with different perspectives and wiring, then it helps make these difficult moments feel less confusing. Of course we see this situation differently, because we’re different people who sometimes have different perspectives and priorities. When we remember that, we can spend less time being thrown off or frustrated about the existence of a difference and more time figuring out how to navigate the difference in a way where we can each feel valued and understood. 

I believe that marriages last when couples make the decision to fully honor each other and to honor our commitment to the Lord. In those moments when it’s really difficult to find ways to stay connected, it’s helpful to remember that we didn’t only make a commitment to each other, we also made a commitment to the Lord. 

Whether you’re just starting your marriage journey or you’ve been married for decades, I want to encourage all couples to continue to grow, seeking to love and serve each other. I believe as you do that, you’ll be winning more often at home.